What Women Want From Don Draper

Hmm, Matt. As commenter GemmaM points out, I did open myself up to the "what women want" game. And I thought for a minute I might have to concede that you've figured us out. Because, of course, you're right that I don't want my emotions governed by the courts or Feminist Theory 101 or, worse, 403. Does anyone, really?

But you're also arguing that women watch Mad Men because they yearn for men like Don Draper and Roger Sterling. To marry or have a relationship with, as well as to adore on TV. And there, I can't go. Don't get me wrong, I'm as crushy about Don as the girl in the next cubicle. (Though my heart still goes first to Tim Riggins on FNL, as you do like to remind me.) But even if I weren't as devoted to my husband as you are to your wonderful wife, I wouldn't want to have a relationship with anyone like Don. (And forget about Roger entirely. You won't believe me, but I didn't remember that pony ride scene until you mentioned it. Guess I won't be writing to Daniel Bergner about that for his project about sex and passion for DoubleX.) I mean, why would I, when if I imagine myself single for just a second, I'd have so many better flavors of man to choose from? You're offering me only two: The henpecked, effeminized, sensitized guy with a bad haircut, and raffish, sexy, cheating, perfectly groomed Don. What about all the men in the far more interesting in-between, the ones who are "free to be men" (Have you thought of launching a clothing line? Or a Lance Armstrong bracelet?) and who also take women seriously, intellectually and emotionally and otherwise. I'm with Loth and some of the other commenters: We've moved beyond the place to which Mad Men reels us back, and I don't want to go back. Not even for a pony ride. Though thanks for asking. I feel like you're really looking out for me.

Tags: DOn Draper, mad men, roger sterling

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Emily Bazelon is a founding editor of Double X, and a writer and editor at Slate.

Comments

What Women Want From Don Draper

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Oh, please

By: iar | Tue, 09/22/2009 - 09:52

Esau, you've got to be kidding. That's even more ridiculous than trying to assign motives to every Mad Men viewer. "[T]he kind of men that women are excited to sleep with is a very different set from the kind they want to work and live with?" The most offensive thing about this entire conversation is the way that it treats both men and women as uniform groups without any individual interests whatsoever. Do some women want a man who's sexist and dominating? Sure, but there are a lot of other women who want a man who's gentle and submissive, or strong but humane, or (NEWS FLASH!) who treats them like an actual human being instead of a member of an alien race.

It is garbage to say that "women" see men as either lovers or husbands, but not both. Some women do, but a lot of women don't. Frankly, in my experience, feminists are less likely to see men that way than non-feminists. That's because most feminists understand the importance of seeing a person for who they are as an entire person, not just a category. It's the non-feminists who see "men" as a completely indistinguishable bloc of mysterious creatures from another planet.

What was old, is new again

By: Esau | Mon, 09/21/2009 - 22:41

I think the comment by melanieB gets right to the heart of the matter: the kind of men that women are excited to sleep with is a very different set from the kind they want to work and live with. Modern feminism will go through tremendous twists and contortions to avoid recognizing this basic fact; "la la la I can't hear you."

Women's legal and financial emancipation -- ie women having freedom and choice -- has now brought this husband/lover tension/dichotomy up into plain view. Personally I find it hilariously ironic that feminists have spent decades, centuries even, complaining about how men forced the "madonna/whore" dichotomy on women; and then they don't bat an eye when women, once they get the chance, turn around and do exactly the same thing to men. Nope, nothing like a double standard here, folks, just move along....

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3 million

By: geml | Sun, 09/20/2009 - 16:00

And there are quite a few highly educated intellectuals who analyzed literature in college (and still do!) who could care less about the show. It strikes me that watching the first season of BEWITCHED reveals pretty much everything anyone I know or read talks about, while having more laughs.

Enough with the over-analysis!

By: iar | Sun, 09/20/2009 - 09:35

Let's all just take a step back here from the armchair psychoanalytical interpretations and be practical for a few minutes. The reason that you watch Mad Men is that it's a series written by highly educated intellectuals for highly educated intellectuals. Let's try to have a little perspective about the kind of cultural impact it's going to have. Remember that fewer than 3 million people watch the show each week; that's less than 1% of the US population. That is not a mass phenomenon. The reason it plays such a huge role in the media is that the media is made up of the show's target audience--people who spent a lot of time in college analyzing literature. To try to parse out some kind of individual psychological motivation for watching the show is just stupid. You can talk about the setting and the themes and the characters all you want, but the quality of the writing, acting, and production matter a lot more than anything else.

Don Draper

By: KarenDuvallMeyer | Sun, 09/20/2009 - 02:24

Wow, I think you other women haven't had any good sex in a while, that's Don Draper's appeal. He's perfect. He looks incredible to begin, and anyone who criticizes his perfection is just denying the longing in them for a handsome man that is also sexxxxxyyyyy to a fault. So anyway, continuing. He offers passion and desire which is soooo underrated these days I guess. I mean he overflows desire and passion so I am there in line waiting to be chosen whether it's for one night or for the rest of my life haha really! The rest of you can have your un-complicated, un-interesting, un-passionate, un-desirable men allllll to yourselves.
Love, Karen

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I'd do him..

By: melanieB | Sat, 09/19/2009 - 15:44

I will sort-of agree with Matt. I'd love to sleep with Don Draper; I think he'd be a pretty intense lay. But would I want to date him, work with him or God forbid, live with him? Emphatically not.