Many Women Just Aren't Interested in Having Children

Sharon, I have to agree with Kerry that there's no evidence to suggest that large numbers of women are yearning for children they couldn't have due to lack of support, and that's dragging down the levels of happiness. There's a simple and likely explanation for why the number of women 40 to 44 who are deliberately childless has grown so tremendously. That's the generation that first came of age when effective contraception and abortion were legal and normalized. Prior generations simply didn't have the choice to avoid motherhood. Now that the choice is given, we've learned large numbers of women will take it.

I'm sure some women would change their mind and have children if they had more support, but I wouldn't put too much faith in survey responses from childless women about finances or career. Folks who've worked in compiling statistics on abortion will be the first to tell you that women who cite "can't afford a child right now" on a survey for why they're getting an abortion often put that because it's easier than admitting what our society tells women they can never admit, which is that they're not particularly eager to have a baby. In an interview I did with Frances Kissling, she said as much. Many women who have every resource available will say they can't afford a baby, because it feels true, even if they technically have the resources necessary to raise a child. I'm a willfully childless person, and I'll admit that I hide behind the financial excuse when asked why I don't have children.

I'll also add that I'm not entirely sure that a debate about why women are "sad" reflects the statistical reality. The data that kicked off this discussion doesn't seem to show a significant enough shift in women's self-reported happiness to draw any real conclusions. As you can see here, there was not actually any real rise in the number of women who said they were unhappy from the '70s until now. All the researchers found was a shift of less than 6 percentage points of women from the "very happy" to the "pretty happy" column. In other words, they're still happy. A shift this minor probably points to a minor cause; my guess is that sitting in traffic alone could account for the difference. At the most, I'd say feminism has created in women a desire to be more and have more, so they are more likely to suffer disappointments that could move 6 percentage points from one column to another. But so what? Men wouldn't take kindly to being told to dial down their expectations and demands so 6 percentage points could move from the "pretty happy" to the "very happy" column, and neither should women.

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Tags: childlessness, fertility, women and happiness

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Amanda Marcotte Amanda recently moved from her home state of Texas to Brooklyn, NY. She blogs at pandagon.net and rhrealitycheck.org.

Comments

Good Post

By: ShareeAmore | Tue, 10/06/2009 - 20:41

Good post.
Nice to see I'm not the only one that doesn't feel the need to have children. Thats not to say if i meet the right person or as i get older my feeling towards the subject won't change, but for as long as i can remember i haven't felt the urge to have children.

I am considered, among friends and family as well as people who meet me in social settings, to be a very happy person. Nothing makes me happier than being able to do what I want when I want, including trips, career changes and moving countries. To be honest I think having children would take away from my happiness.

I've been met with my fair share of strange looks and whispers when I've been asked "when do you plan on having children?" or "why don't you have children yet?" and my usual reply is "I don't think it's for me." unlike others I've never sugar coated my answer to those questions. some have been so brave/bold as to ask "oh are you gay?". No I'm not gay, I'm into guys just as much as the next women [with children], I just choose not to have any. I've been asked by a couple of boyfriends and even a best friend to have children for them, and I have declined the offer. I was actually dumped by a boyfriend, one who I actually loved, because I didn't want to have his child when he wanted me to.

I still look at having children as a way to repopulate the world. With children as young as 12, if not younger, having babies, the rise of teen pregnancy and lots of children in foster care, I think there is enough being done to repopulate right now without my help.

I'm still happy, and will continue to be, sans child. just wish I could switch off my period until I'm ready lol that would be nice.

Still Smiling xo

Very good post. I can

By: buggie | Tue, 10/06/2009 - 19:48

Very good post. I can honestly say that the fact that I don't have any kids is neither increasing or decreasing my happiness level. I might be of the "age" when I'm "supposed" to be having kids, but I can't even imagine it- it's not part of my life, I don't even think about it. I'm not 100% sure, but I honestly don't think I would have a kid if I met a lifelong partner. My life is fine now without kids, so if it ain't broke, don't try to fix it. Try mentioning that to someone though, and they can't believe it- in fact they'll probably freak out on me. I'm "supposed" to want a kid, I'm "supposed" to stop at nothing to get one. For some reason I was listening to "Love Line" on the radio a few weeks ago, and Dr. Drew was talking about how "all" women have a "drive" to have babies. Sorry Dr. Drew, but last time I checked I'm a woman and I have no drive to pop any human beings out of my body any time soon.

Measuing happiness through ages groups.

By: ireneadler | Tue, 10/06/2009 - 12:11

When measuring happiness levels of women with or without children (and I believe that was the main point of the article, whether happiness had increased or decreased despite reduced fertility levels), I'd like to see a measurement taking in consideration age groups. Comparing women in their 30's, for example. The woman with children might be more stressed and report lower levels of happiness than her child-free counterpart. But what about when they're in their 50s? Then one woman will probably have an empty nest, whereas the child-free woman might be lamenting her loneliness. Or not? Or maybe she's happy because she's successful in her career. (Please don't take this as absolutes, I'm just giving examples of possibilities)

Right now I'm struggling with the decision of having kids or not. I'm in my early 30s and very happy with my current life. But, being an only child, I dread not having a family when I'm older. I dread not having anyone I should worry about, and who'd worry about me in a way that only family members could. You know, someone to love and love me back when old age comes. So the effect of childlessness when old age comes is one I'd be interested to hear. Also, the stories of women who chose to go down that path, when it was even stranger in the recent past, must be interesting. Do they regret it? What gives meaning to their lives when so much of what was interesting when they were younger does not interest them anymore? I wish writers at XX could address that. Thank you.